SECTION IV LEAD-ACROSS PRINCIPLE 5

Lead-Across Principle #5

EXPAND YOUR CIRCLE OF ACQUAINTANCES

In 1997, I relocated my companies from San Diego, California, to Atlanta, Georgia. In the wake of that move, I felt that I needed to expand my circle of acquaintances into the African-American community, which was really a new world for me.
I grew up in a small town in Ohio in the 1950s and ’60s where not many people of color lived. The first ten years of my career I worked primarily in rural Indiana and Ohio—middle America. The next fifteen years I worked in Southern California. There I was introduced to the Hispanic culture and its people, and I led a church that included persons of many backgrounds; but once again, there were not a lot of African-Americans. Even in the conferences I taught around the country, only a small percentage of participants were African-American. So when I got to Atlanta, in the heart of the Deep South, I knew it was time for me to expand my horizons and grow in this area.
I knew someone in Atlanta who I hoped would help me with this: Dr. Samuel Chand. Sam is the chancellor of Beulah Heights Bible College, a multiracial college with a student population that is predominantly African-American. I asked Sam if he would be willing to introduce me to influential African-American leaders from the area, which he said he would gladly do. From then on, every other month I attended a lunch that he arranged with different leaders from that community.
It has been a wonderful growing experience for me. I’ve met a lot of terrific people, such as Bishop Eddie Long, an excellent leader of one of Atlanta’s largest churches; Corretta Scott King and her children; and many others. A few people knew me by reputation, but most of these leaders did not. I’ve had a great time connecting with them. I could tell that a few people wondered if I had some kind of unspoken agenda, but I think they quickly accepted that my desire was to learn—and to add value to them if I could. That is my mind-set anytime I meet someone new. At times during those lunches I was taken out of my comfort zone, yet I’m glad to say I learned much about the African-American community and have developed wonderful relationships with many of my new friends.
It’s always easier to stay within environments where we are comfortable and secure. In fact, that’s what most people do. They avoid change and remain where it’s safe. But you can’t grow and avoid change at the same time. It just doesn’t work that way. If you want to expand your influence, you have to expand your circle of acquaintances.
Expanding your circle of acquaintances may be uncomfortable, but it can do a lot for you. First, it helps you improve. Expanding your circle will expose you to new ideas. It will prompt you to see things from a different point of view, which will help you generate new ideas of your own. It will help you to learn new working methods and pick up additional skills. And it will help you to become more innovative.
Expanding your circle also has another valuable benefit. It expands your network, putting you into contact with more people and giving you potential access to their networks, something Yahoo chief solutions officer Tim Sanders describes in Love Is the Killer App. Sanders wrote:

In the twenty-first century, our success will be based on the people we know. Everyone in our address book is a potential partner for every person we meet . . . Relationships are nodes in our individual network that constitute the promise of our bizlife and serve as a predictor of our success. Some of the brightest new-economy luminaries, such as Kevin Kelly (New Rules for the New Economy), or Larry Downes and Chunka Mui (Unleashing the Killer App), argue that companies, organizations, and individuals comprise, and are most highly valued for, their web of relationships. If you organize and leverage your relationships as a network, you will generate long-lasting value (and peace of mind) beyond your stock options, mutual funds, and bank accounts. You will also create a value proposition for new contacts, which in turn drives membership in that network—the prime law of business ecosystems, known as the Law of Network Effects. Value explodes with membership . . . When we are fully and totally networked, we are powerful.1

Sanders believes that along with knowledge and compassion, your network is your most valuable asset.
HOW TO EXPAND YOUR CIRCLE
Each of us has a natural circle of people we’re comfortable with. Those people comprise our relational comfort zone. Perhaps you enjoy meeting people and already make it a practice to get out and connect with individuals outside of your circle. If that is the case, keep it up. The more broadly you connect with people, the greater your potential to influence—and be positively influenced by—others.
If you are not inclined to stretch yourself relationally, then think about this. People are like rubber bands. They are most valuable when they are stretched, not when they are at rest. Your value as a leader in the middle will increase as you stretch and get out of your comfort zone relationships, which are usually comprised of:

• People that you’ve known for a long time;
• People with whom you have common experiences; and
• People that you know like you.

What would happen if the number of people in your circle expanded from five to fifty or from a dozen to more than a hundred? When you had a question your coworkers and you couldn’t answer, how quickly do you think you could get it from someone you know? If a friend were looking for a job, how much more likely would it be for you to help her connect with someone who might be looking for help? If you were trying to break into a new market, wouldn’t it be likely that you could call an acquaintance and get a quick overview of that industry—or at least call someone who has a friend in that industry? You would even have quicker access to information on the best restaurants in town, the best vacation spots, or where to buy a car. And with every quick connection you are able to make or share with a colleague, the more value you would have—and more influence you would gain—with your peers.
If you desire to expand your circle of acquaintances, all you need are a strategy and a will to do it. You must provide the effort, but I will be glad to give you the following ideas to help you with the strategy.
1. EXPAND BEYOND YOUR INNER CIRCLE
To get outside of your comfort zone, why not start with those in your comfort zone? Every friend you have has a friend you don’t have. Begin with your inner-circle friends, and expand the pool. What businesses are your closest friends in? Whom do they know who might benefit you? Think about the interesting people you’ve heard friends talk about. Also consider their interests. Who have they connected with through their hobbies and travels?
To get outside of your comfort zone, why not start with those in your comfort zone? Every friend you have has a friend you don’t have.

I bet for each of your friends, you could come up with a list of at least three or four—and in some cases as many as a dozen—people you would have interest in meeting through them. And chances are they would have just as much interest in meeting you! Why not start asking your friends to introduce you to some of them? Ask them to set up a lunch, as I did with Sam Chand. Or ask if you can tag along as friends engage in their hobbies. Or simply ask for a phone number and make contact yourself.
You’ll be amazed by how quickly your circle expands in this first round. You can double, triple, or quadruple your circle of acquaintances almost overnight. And once you do expand the pool of people you know, be sure to touch base with your new contacts periodically so that you remain connected.
2. EXPAND BEYOND YOUR EXPERTISE
I obviously value people who have experience in my field. In fact, I recommend that you “talk your craft” with others who share expertise in your area. But you should never limit yourself to connecting with people within your department or profession.
If you work in an organization of any size, one large enough to have multiple departments, then I recommend that you start by connecting with people in the other departments. It doesn’t matter what kind of an organization you’re in, when there is connection and understanding between departments, everyone wins. When the sales and accounting people develop relationships and grasp what each other does, when the waitstaff and the cooks get along in a restaurant, when marketing department workers and engineers appreciate each other, it helps them, their customers, and the organization. Everybody wins.
3. EXPAND BEYOND YOUR STRENGTHS
Even outside of work, I think we all tend to respect and gravitate to people whose strengths are like our own. Sports stars hang out together. Actors marry other actors. Entrepreneurs enjoy trading stories with other entrepreneurs. The problem is that if you spend time only with people like yourself, your world can become terribly small and your thinking limited.
If you are a creative type, go out of your way to meet people who are analytical. If you have a type-A personality, then learn to appreciate the strengths of people who are more laid back. If your thing is business, spend time with people who work in nonprofit environments. If you are white-collar, learn to connect with blue-collar people. Anytime you get a chance to meet people with strengths very different from your own, learn to celebrate their abilities and get to know them better. It will broaden your experience and increase your appreciation for people.
4. EXPAND BEYOND YOUR PERSONAL PREJUDICES
French novelist André Gide said that “an unprejudiced mind is probably the rarest thing in the world.” Unfortunately, that is probably true. I think all human beings have prejudices of some sort. We prejudge people we haven’t met because of their race, ethnicity, gender, occupation, nationality, religion, or associations. And it really does limit us.
If we desire to grow beyond not only our circle of acquaintances but also some of the limitations created by our own thoughts, then we need to break down the walls of prejudice that exist in our minds and hearts. Novelist Gwen Bristow said, “We can get the new world we want, if we want it enough to abandon our prejudices, every day, everywhere. We can build this world if we practice now what we said we were fighting for.”
What group of people do you find yourself disliking or mistrusting? Why do you hold such views? Has your vision been obscured by the actions of one or more individuals? The way to change your blanket likes and dislikes is to reach out to people of that group and try to find common ground with them. This may be the most difficult of all circles to break out of, but it is well worth doing.
5. EXPAND BEYOND YOUR ROUTINE
One of the greatest impediments to meeting new people is routine. We often go to the same places all the time—the same gas stations, coffee shop, grocery store, and restaurants. We employ the same providers of services. We use the same companies for our business. It’s just easy. But sometimes we need to shake things up and try something new. It’s all about getting outside of your comfort zone.
There are even times when getting out of your routine helps you stay connected with people you already know. In the spring of 2005, my companies, EQUIP and ISS, moved their offices to a new facility. In the past, both companies used office space that was separate, but well connected to each other though common halls. They also shared some work rooms, conference rooms, a lunchroom, and so forth.
The offices in their new location still occupy the same building, but they have become much more separate. They occupy two different suites, each with all of its own supporting spaces. A few weeks after the move, I was talking to Linda Eggers, my assistant who has worked with me for nearly twenty years, and she told me that the changes in the office had caused her to change her routine.
Whenever I talk to Linda, I ask her how things are going at work, because she always has a good feel for the atmosphere at the office, and she is usually aware of any issues that are occurring. But after the move, she remarked that EQUIP was so far removed from her normal routine, that she didn’t have any idea how everybody was doing over on that side of the building. So Linda, who is very relational, made it her goal to break from her routine at least once a day to touch base with somebody on the EQUIP team. It’s extra work, but she knows how valuable it can be.

I know that my ideas for expanding one’s circle of influence may not be revolutionary. They’re really just practical thoughts. But the whole point of this chapter is to remind you that you can’t wait for life to come to you. You need to initiate, invest, and do what’s right when you don’t feel like it—especially when it comes to cultivating relationships.
I can’t remember a single time I’ve regretted getting outside of my comfort zone and trying to get acquainted with someone I didn’t know. Even if I failed to connect, or if there was no chemistry, or if the person turned out to be unpleasant, it always yielded some kind of benefit, either because I had a new experience, learned something new, or received an introduction to someone else I enjoyed meeting. It’s an investment in time—and influence—that is always worth making.